you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
