??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
