and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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