haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
