Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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