Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
