Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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