she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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