i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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