Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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