after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
