She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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