i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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