Sponge bath it is.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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