Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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