I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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