I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
