I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
