i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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