I didn't shave. On purpose
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
