don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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