I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
