and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
