I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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