maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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