A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
