Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

I wish they had nachos that got you drunk

Fav 17 4784 906
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(410): View more from Maryland

and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's

Fav 25 3078 826
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(804): View more from Virginia

They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.

Fav 18 1265 4721
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(519): View more from Ontario

he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job

Fav 8 1065 3998
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.

Fav 8 1257 2386
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(540): View more from Virginia

I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal

Fav 1 747 531
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(205): View more from Alabama

This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods

Fav 5 827 614
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(952): View more from Minnesota

Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.

Fav 0 88 6
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

That was super inconsiderate of me

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