Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
