Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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