my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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