Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
