I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
