We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
