So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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