I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dick very happy bro
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize