Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
