kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
