My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
