You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
