I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
