i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
