my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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