I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Found your dick twin last night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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