4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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