Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
