her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she told me i tasted like america
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
