I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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