Girls should come with a carfax report
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
