3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
