I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
