I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
