Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
