I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
