so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
