How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
