That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
