im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
