Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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