If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
zippers are such a cool invention
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Come on in and take your pants off
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