you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
