The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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