It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
