Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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