I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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