i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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