I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize