I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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