oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize