I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What a dumb baby whore.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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