Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
