totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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